The Case Against Proactive Disappointment

Disappointment cannot exist without hope. It’s the flip side, like the Roy McMakin sculpture Love & Loss, two sides of the same actual thing that are inextricably linked.

image: Tina Urso McDaniel 2017

I have seen many friends, particularly of my generation (some say this tendency is the defining element of my generation) who attempt to shield against “inevitable” disappointment by trying to exorcise all hope from themselves with a deep wellspring of cynicism. As though the only smart, true way to live is to assume you will always be disappointed, and that therefore to hope is to be foolish and stupid. But as my generation has aged, I’ve seen more and more of us come to the realization that cynicism is simply an unsustainable and naive philosophy for moving through life.

To avoid disappointment by cutting yourself off from hope is really to say “let’s just constantly be proactively disappointed.” So not only is such a philosophy unhealthy and unsustainable, it’s completely illogical. Like people who say that since love will only lead to heartache, one should forget love. All such a person succeeds in doing is deadening themselves to life, which in the end defeats the very purpose of living.

In my view it’s a mistake to see hope as the thing you do while you sit around waiting for the other shoe of disappointment to drop. Sure, disappointment isn’t great, but it is inevitable. Not because life is terrible and one should never hope for anything, but precisely because hope is inevitable. When you accept that disappointment will at some point happen in the natural course of things, you are freed to enjoy hope while it is there, be empowered by it, and if you’re lucky, inspire others to acts of hopefulness themselves.