The guilt will inevitably greet you later

image: Tina Urso McDaniel 2017

Look, I know, you never wanted to admit it before, but you’ve always known it was true. Circumstances now being what they are, you can’t deny it any longer: there is indeed a glorious moment of lateness at which point you have become so late, you become freed from the obligation. Everything which up to this moment had been hurrying, running, fast, feet pounding, straining, worry, concern, is suddenly now... an indescribable moment of calm quiet. Your lateness, you must now concede, has transformed to an absence.

You begin the compulsory guilt-mongering, thinking of all the needed apologies, disappointments, etcetera... but stop yourself now; the guilt will inevitably greet you later. Right now in this moment, the moment when “late” has become “missed”, you are suddenly and gloriously FREE, if only for a little while.

Suddenly, there are no more expectations. Your calendar had already been freed for the Very Important Thing You Just Missed, which you happily are no longer compelled to attend! Since this moment of glory is by definition just past the tipping point of Too Late To Bother Showing Up (or perhaps, So Late You Already Missed That Bus), there is almost always time remaining --time that would have otherwise been engaged in the VITYJM. Maybe it’s five minutes, fifteen, 45... In cases of missed planes or trains, maybe you are fortunate enough to have even a whole day or possibly a week! All at once, you are free.

Will you enjoy this time? In some ways it seems you absolutely must NOT. After all, what will people think? You were supposed to be at that Very Important Thing, remember? What if someone saw you there, smelling a flower, stopping for coffee, putting your feet up and dare we say-- enjoying the sky FOR NO REASON AT ALL?!

Now, now, calm yourself; it straightaway occurs to you: if they saw you, would it not be because they also were not doing the Very Important Thing? You are now conspirators in a secret social pact. You each raise and lower your eyebrows towards one another in conspiratorial fashion; neither of you can believe your good luck.

So now your mind turns to all the reasons you must enjoy this time. It’s a gift! From the Heavens! OK, maybe that’s going just a bit too far. Unless of course your lateness is due to some sort of Act of God or Unforeseen Circumstance, such as Lightning Striking A Tree Causing It To Fall In The Road In Front Of Your Bus. In those cases perhaps you could see your newly discovered Free Time as a gift from above, but no other...

In any case, you now can see without question this moment-of-lateness-turned-to-absence is the Moment of Clarity you’ve been waiting for. Why, you never wanted to do that Very Important Thing anyway! You were dragging your feet on purpose, weren’t you? You can admit it now. Some Wise part of yourself has been saying for weeks, perhaps months, “Hey! Don’t go!” And finally, you’ve listened. Good for you. You didn’t want to date that fellow anyway, or the thought of having to make small talk at yet ANOTHER of Cousin Sue’s doomed marriage ceremonies was making you break out in hives, or maybe you’ve secretly always hated Hawaii, but had thought it rude to turn down such a generous offer. Ugh, you think. So much rain! And who can think with all that sunshine everywhere. Not to mention the endless ocean you would be literally stuck out in the middle of. At a table full of Cousin Sue’s exes no less, AND that new fellow you never wanted to date, which would no doubt all happen even though you had only committed to one of those items, or a different one altogether because YOU actually had just missed a job interview or perhaps a PTA meeting and everyone is now quite confused as to why you are here at this Hawaiian wedding for someone else’s cousin, who is actually getting married in Tenleytown, to the best friend of the fellow you were supposed to meet for a date in Billings. No wonder you digress. Heavens... good riddance to all THAT. Now you can get on to What You Actually Wanted To Be Doing Instead.

What is That Thing, anyway? Time to have your coffee, smell your flower, look up at your sky and DECIDE.

But, Oh NO... You didn’t really want to do that either, did you?! Maybe that’s why you said Yes to that Very Important Thing that you didn’t actually want to do? No matter. Fate has brought us here as they say. Your conspirator with the eyebrows has already taken out their notebook and is scribbling furiously; you can’t let THEM get the better of you can you? Time to get to work.